At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
