I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
