I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
