So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
