Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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