Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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