$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
