take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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