There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
