He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
