I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I love you. Go after that dick
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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