I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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