He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
