Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
