when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
