Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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