Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
