I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
