In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My balls are so social today.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
