Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
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i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
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I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He? As in you personified your dick?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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