somebody snuck up and got me drunk
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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