There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
