Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
