BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Holy sore nipples Batman
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
