Ambien. No doubt about it.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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