Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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