why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
