god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
we should paint friendship bongs
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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