just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
