I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
