he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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