I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
