just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
