took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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