did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
