Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
