fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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