I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
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Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
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I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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