Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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