The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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