he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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