So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
