Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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