if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
