happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize