The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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