I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
