and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
