yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
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You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
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If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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