all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
