Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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