I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
