Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
