Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My dick has a subreddit
Drake has all the answers
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
