Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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