So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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