the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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