the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
