that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
