Screwed.edu
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
