Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
