my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Let's get the cat blown out
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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