I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
