is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
